Please Feed The Animals

The following is a guest post by Winning At Business, a satirical blog that actually interviewed Seth Godin

I’d like to ask you all a favor. And when I say y’all, I mean everyone in the United States, no Hawaii, no Alaska. It’s time for some continental solidarity. Alaska and Hawaii are quite honestly and without knowledge of their history whatsoever, separatist assholes in my book.

So here is my plea. Please. Invent something cool, so we can all quit freaking out at how horrible things are.

It’s incredibly easy to focus on the negatives all around us. Billions of jobs are being cut every second of the day. Illegal immigrants are sneaking into our country through Alaska from Russia and stealing what jobs are left. And do I even have to mention that Jon and Kate are heading for splitsville?

But it’s for these very reasons that we’re ready for some amazing — even mildly amazing — things to happen.

And here’s the key, it doesn’t even have to be that good. Take for example, the RunPuncher 5000. This invention is mediocre at best. But because I have launched it recently, I have gotten 6 million pre-orders, and it doesn’t even ship for another four years.  I’ve only got one working model of this thing, and no idea how to get it manufactured. Yet I am literally flush with cash.

Clearly, the entire nation wants to glom onto any mildly positive invention these days because our minds are grasping for anything that’s not bad. We NEED that glimmer of hope.

What do they say? Necessity is the mother of invention?

As a matter of fact, they do. And I’m sure we’ve got it in us. What do the telephone, the light bulb, the Allstate, PFTA and the RunPuncher5000 all have in common? ALL OF THEM were invented during recessions, and all in the continental US.

And where would we be without each and everyone of those? I don’t care to imagine such a world.

I’m begging you. Don’t just hunker down and quit doing anything that costs money. It’s the time to innovate like a rabid raging bull, but not a normal dumb bull, one with a much better brain than most bulls have. Like, if a bull had RoboCop’s brain.

We can’t wait to see what you come up with.